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*If your thinking about SI, or you already have, you should read the Warning at the bottom of this page. Because it's all true..*
 
Many SI'ers (self injurers) think that they are alone in what they do, that they are freaks and that  people will hate them for what they do.

If you are one of these people then I am here to tell you that you are none of these things. Many people all over the world SI but unfortunately the problem  isn't as well known as others, such as eating disorders, since the sufferers are largely isolated in what they do.

Many are ashamed  at what they do and so hide their scars, thoughts and feelings from the rest of the world. Often they keep their secret for months and years and may be scared of how others will react.

I generally feel that it is better for an SI'er to have a least one person in whom they can confide and ask advice but that person must be someone who can be trusted. Sometimes their reaction can make things far worse for the person involved so it helps for non-SI'ers to be informed about the causes for, what to them seems to be, such an alien behavior.
 
To all those non-SI'ers, please don't overreact if you find out that someone close to you has been self harming. This can often make the problem much worse. Don't dismiss their actions as 'childish behavior' or 'attention-seeking' because, in order to cause such great external pain, the internal pain must be even huger.  Please be aware of this pain and support them.
 
 

Please be warned that certain parts of this section of my site may be 
~*TRIGGERING*~

 

I am not pretending to be a professional on this site.
I speak mainly from experience.
I hope that this will give you an insight into even a fraction of the turmoil and pain that SI'ers experience on a daily basis.
If it does then it has all been worth it.
You may not agree with everything that I say but that's because we are all different.
We aren't here to judge. 

WARNING:
(To all you cutters.. you know this is true)

Before you make that first cut, remember--
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily--
They will get deeper.
They will scar.
They will take sometimes months to heal.
And years for the scars to fade.
If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again.
It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live--
You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100.
Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting--
Cutting and covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
And you are gasping...
And you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can`t tell anyone.
So you sit there alone...
Praying it will be okay--
Swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
But you will, and further....
Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
And the better you get at treating your cuts,
The deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20, 30, or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order.
Butterfly strips--
3 or 4 different kinds of dressings...
Betadine...
Antibiotic cream...
Medical tape...
Scar reducers...
You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and noone will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice--
Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies.
Someone who understands--
But of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe--
Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots...
The list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a different way.
Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI.
Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it,
As your eyes scan their wrists arms.
Hoping, just hoping they will be like you.
But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private so no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
You will always be cleaning up the blood.
Scrubbing your bathroom floor.
Wiping the blood off your keyboard.
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.
Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
When you get really desperate,
Anything will be a cutting tool...
Scissors...a car key...a needle...a paperclip...even a pen.
Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch.
Because you will itch and itch.
So much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease.
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.
You will dream about cutting.
You will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life.
You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting--
At the same time you love it and can not live without it.